One thing that grinds my gears is weddings. It's a tradition that has gone from a religious meaning, to a means of controling someone. There are not a lot of traditions left in our society, and I think it is important to hold onto any we have, unless they have lost all meaning. Christmas for a lot of people, has nothing to do with Christs birth. It's a day that has been turned into a means for corporations to dig deep into your pockets, so you can show how much you love someone, by how much money you can spend. Don't get me wrong, I love Christmas. It's a couple days off work so I can get together with family, which doesn't happen enough. But does it have to be Dec 25th? No, for me, that day has no real meaning. Marriage to has lost it's meaning for most people. It's supposed to be a union of two people, under the eye of God. But what does that mean to todays happy couple? Most couples are having sex before marriage, or even kids. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce. A huge number of married people cheat on their partners. So what's the point? These couples are willing to "live in sin", so why follow along with getting married if not for the religious aspect of it? Well a lot of people that are getting married, like a couple of my friends, are actualy athiest, so it's clearly not because they are scared of going to hell. So why bother? "Because it's a commitment to the other person that you will stay with them." Again, divorce? Infidelity? Marriage is no more permanent than any other relationship. I would think that owning a house together, or having a child together is more of a deterrent to breaking up than marriage. Again, so what's the point?
Then there's the cost. The "average" wedding is over $20,000 now. You can do it cheaper, but you're not getting a real "wedding" for less then $10,000. So for $10-$20 K, you get one day. One day that isn't even that much fun. Most people getting married are younger, so can you think of a way a young couple could spend that kind of cash, that might have a better outcome than one day of "tradition"? Maybe a down payment on a place to live? Or maybe one of them needs a new car? Or maybe one of them could go to school and get a better career?
Weddings are always a day for the bride. It's the women that wants the wedding and the big day. It's usually the women that pushes to get married in the first place. A friend of mine has just ended a 4 year relationship with a women. He got along with her fairly well, and they had a lot of good times together. Recently she said, "our relationship isn't going forward, I want to get married, or we're splitting up." My friend dumped her. What does that mean? Marry me, or I'm leaving. Why can't you just enjoy the relationship for what it is? Are you enjoying the relationship? Are you happy with your partner? If you liked where you worked, and who you worked for, and who you worked with and how much you got paid, would you tell your boss "unless you sign a contract keeping me here forever, I'm leaving"? You'd have to be stupid. Enjoy the job as long as you can, and if you are a good worker, you might be there forever. But I suspect there is a darker side to this.
It's funny because it's always the guys that are unwilling to commit. Guys are rarely gung ho to tie the knot. They want to be 100% sure before they get married. Why? Because they have more to lose. Even though women have their own carrers now, and can make a living for themselves, it's still men that make the most money. Like it or not, it's true. When a couple break from a common law relationship, you usually leave the relationship with what you came into it with. Anything you bought together, is split, but as soon as you're married, everything is getting split 50/50, regardless what each person put in. Not only that, but if one person worked, and made $500,000 a year, and the other person didn't work, the person making the big money will be paying the other person $250,000 a year for the rest of their lives. So who's interest is it in to get married? We all know there are gold diggers out there, but I'm not talking about those. It can be much more innocent than that. If a couple are together, and the guy makes say $25,000 a year more than the women, it might not be that she is after him for his money, she just wants security. She might love him, but incase something goes sideways, she packs on 50lbs and he decides to leave her, or he cheats on her, or they just don't get along anymore, if they are married, he will either stay because he doesn't want to pay alimony, or he will leave, but she will get money for the rest of her life. It's win win for her. So can you see why she wants to get married, and he might not? Getting married takes power away from the person with more to lose. If you enter a relationship, and already own a house, and get married, you don't want the relationship to end, because it will cost you half your house. However, the person that didn't own the house, might not want the relationship to end, but if it does, it's not all bad, they get half a house. If you have a relationship without marriage, either person can end the relationship without penalty. If a person wants out of a relationship, shouldn't they have that option, without having to pay a penalty? But you can always get a prenup right? Yeah right. The person with less money isn't going to want a prenup, so they'll play the "you don't trust me?" card. "That not romantic". Seriously, we've been over the fact that you're not getting married for religious reasons, and you can always just get a divorce, so what's the real reason for getting married? If it's for the "commitment" why do you have a problem signing a prenup? Oh, by commitment you mean, you're going to hold on to half my shit, so I stay commited. Gotcha.
I know I sound very bitter on marriage, and a lot of people do it for religious reasons or good reasons. I guess gold diggers have wrewened it for people in it for other reasons. I just don't understand the point of it, if it's for tradition. It's a legal contract. There's nothing romantic about that to me. It's one really expencive day, that really means nothing if you aren't religious. I've seen a lot of friends get burned by their exwives. I'm a rational person. If you are in a good relationship, and you love your partner, why isn't that enough? You can't just enjoy it for what it is? What do married people benifit from, that non-married people dont? If it's not money, or religion that you are after, why would you want to get married? Just for the sake of it? Just to say you are married? Because everyone else is doing it? Or maybe it's turned into Christmas. I love you so much, I'm willing to spend $5000 on a ring, $20,000 on a wedding, and half of all my other wealth, just to show you how much you mean to me...finacially.
